Situation:
Fred is 7 ½ and he is autistic. He becomes selectively mute in more and more situations.
For example, when people come to his house, including family members, when teachers and teaching assistants come into his class but are not his class team, when he bumps into people he knows in the street. He did not respond in this way when he was younger, but Fred has become mute more often and with more people as he has got older.
Possible reasons why:
School’s view: Staff at school think that Fred is extremely shy and lacks confidence.
Relatives’ view: Family members think that Fred’s parents are too soft with him, he is too clingy and behaves like a younger child. They think his parents should be firmer about his behaviour. Fred used to talk to his relatives, and his family think that his parents should be firmer about how he behaves when they see him.
Parents: Fred’s parents are not sure why he has become mute in more and more situations, but they think that it is probably related to anxiety. As he gets older, he is becoming more anxious about lots of things, and talking to people is a trigger.
How can we help Fred?
Certainty: We cannot make life completely certain, but we can help by giving Fred some certainty. For example, his parents can use a calendar at home to show him what is happening in the week, such as: Sunday – granny and grandpa coming to tea.
Why can’t they just tell him? They can tell him but …
Auditory processing is often a weakness for autistic people, which means that they cannot process information as easily and as quickly as others.
Short-term memory for spoken information is also often a weakness for autistic people, which means it is harder to retain orally presented information.
Attention control is another common area of difficulty, which makes it harder to remember information.
Using visuals, e.g. a calendar, a list, pictures, diagrams, etc. makes it much easier to remember and visual information is concrete, unlike spoken words, so we can keep looking at it to remind ourselves what is going to happen, or what we have to do.
Helping Fred cope with uncertainty when you go shopping: Before you go out, e.g. to the shops, think about what you will definitely see, e.g. cars, birds, shops, people, etc. Take turns to think of things. Then think of things you might see, e.g. a dog, someone riding a bike, someone you know. Do not think of too many things. Write them down and take the list with you when you go out to check how many things you see. Keep this like a game so there is no pressure on Fred and no demands are being made of him and do it several times. The next step is to think about what you will do if you see someone you both know. Tell Fred you think this might be hard for him, that you have noticed that he finds it difficult to say hello and to talk to people you bump into. Anxious young people often find questions difficult to answer and questions can increase feelings of stress, so think about your language and try to reduce the number of questions you ask. For example, instead of saying, “Why don’t you talk to people we bump into?” say “I sometimes find it hard to know what to say when I bump into people in the street.” Don’t expect a response, you are simply sharing information to normalise this situation. You could say something like, “Sometimes I
just say hello, and I don’t stop. I just wave, say hello and keep walking. Sometimes I say hello and ask them how they are and then I say bye.” Don’t expect a response and resist the urge to ask a question! You are doing this to show Fred that we bump into people we know when we are out sometimes, and you are making him more aware of what you do and say when this happens, so that it becomes less unexpected for him.
Helping Fred cope with uncertainty in the classroom: his teacher can use a
similar strategy with the whole class, e.g. guessing who might come into their
classroom, you can make this more fun by thinking of someone who definitely
won’t come into the classroom, such as the Queen, and one person who might,
such as a particular teacher or teaching assistant. Make it into a competition,
e.g. the class decide who is most likely to come into the classroom out of all the
suggestions everyone has made and whoever is right, gets a prize.
Helping Fred cope with uncertainty when visitors come to his house: ask
family members who are coming to your house to adapt the way that they
communicate with Fred slightly to reduce anxiety for him. For example, ask
fewer questions, as these put pressure on him, and to avoid making him the
centre of attention, as this will also increase anxiety. Make sure that Fred
knows that they are coming.
Stories can help children think about situations and how they can manage them in a way that does not put them under any pressure. Fred’s parents can make up stories about an animal or a child who gets anxious in the same situations that Fred does to normalise situations and to help Fred reflect on them. They can include information about anxiety in the stories and strategies that he might be able to use.
(See below for a link to a video and resource I made on social stories for autism)
https://lucysanctuary.com/social-stories-for-children-with-autism-part-one
These ideas will not stop Fred feeling anxious and they will not guarantee that he will be able to talk to people in the situations described above, but they will help to reduce anxiety, to reduce pressure, to normalise how he is feeling and help him think about these situations.
